Eating worms

Steve and I ate gulas yesterday during our date night. not exactly worms. More like little eels. Because that's so much better.

We had a bust couple of days. Went to the Museo Del Prado today. Penny really enjoys that sort of thing. She told me when we go home, "I realized I need to do my best and then I can hang my pictures on wall at Home."

A fancy art museum, right in our house at Normal! Still eating and drinking a lot. Perhaps too much drinking last night. But the Cana is so little. And do tasty. An so cheap.

The Royal Palace

We spent the day sightseeing today. It was super fun, but tiring. So I'm not going to write anything. But here are some lovely pictures.

Tapas and chocolate

I love the tapas culture. Walk around. Eat. Maybe look in a store or two. Eat. Drink. Eat.

And the chocolate. Like melted candy bars.

How to enjoy a boat ride

Have children. Wait several years. Take a nap.

Retiro Park

Here are some pictures of our visit to Retiro Park. Here's a fun fact, you cannot go anywhere on Madrid and not have a cafe in your viewing area. That means there is beer everywhere. The same is true of the policia and graffiti. But the beer part is much more interesting.

Seeing Madrid

Since my phone was dead yesterday, I won't show you photos of the balcony lined streets, the bustling plazas or the fun squares with cafes (serving beer!) on the edge of playgrounds where kids made international friends.

Instead, I'll give you a little weather update. Off for more eating.

First day

I should post more, but jet lag is a both. The girls seemed to tolerate it fine, playing when they were awake, falling asleep soundly once we got a bed. The city is bustling and it appears most people speak no english.

So, in an effort to soak up the culture, we're watching garfield ... In spanish!!!

Might I suggest

American Express? Club level kids room. Empty. Kid-friendly computer games. Cartoons?

Free beer? Are you kidding me. Best 6 hour layover ever.

On our way

We made it to the airport. And, I have to say, traveling with older children is proving much easier than the toddler variety.

For starters, we used to set them in front of the television until we were ready to go. This morning, I put those kids to work. Empty the dishwasher. Put your Barbies in this bin. Get an extra water dish for Charlie.

Oh wait! You did that already? Without being asked? Whaaaat?

And our luggage situation is much better. Two checked bags and each of us have a carry on, that we each have to carry. That wouldn't have gotten us through a weekend car trip 5 years ago.

So we leave with optimism, excitement and a belly full of Panera. Not a shabby start.

Edit: Also. Sitting together on the plane. Awesome

Spain countdown

It's almost here (gleeful giggle). The Gardners take on Spain. Madrid, specifically. I intend to blog daily, on my iPhone so good luck reading it, about our adventures. And probably our misadventures.

Paparazzi

"Get that camera out of my face."

No ma'am. I will not.

Poor, ignored Penny

I just realized I am constantly updating Carol's progress, but have completely neglected to mention Penny.

Well, here it is... She's at the top of her class (And I am so not exaggerating. She scored at the very top in most of the class testing. This is a class that is well above the national average). She is loved by all. She is a model student. She has a little boyfriend, Logan. They love each other. She has a best friend, Emma. They love each other.

So, you see now why I forgot to mention all this. I feel my eye's rolling just typing this. But, there's your update.

Quitter

Well. I just quit my first job. It was a very difficult decision for me to make because I am not someone who quits things easily. I just avoided phone calls for three weeks because I didn't want to tell our babysitter that the girls will not be going to her this summer. I hate to drop that kind of last minute news on her.

Steve reminded me that it's February. I think I have a problem.

On less quitty news, I had parent-teacher conferences with Carol's teacher this week. She is doing amazing. The strides she's made academically are astounding. She's gone from being at the very bottom of her class in almost everything, to the high end of average on most things. And she's so interested in school, which is new. She had talked about the stuff she was working on in class (such as a position paper as to why cats make better pets than dogs, or why students should get 50 minutes of recess every day) so I wasn't surprised when her teacher handed them to me. Instead, I was delighted.

But socially... sigh.... still a struggle. I think back to this time last year and how much better socially she is. It's hard to convey just how hard things were for her last year.

She's making progress. She invited a friend to her house... And her friend came over! She talks about the other kids and how nice they are to her. While it's a major improvement, she has these behaviors that just make her a little odd. The teacher even threw out the term Aspergers (although the more Steve and I consider it, the more unlikely it seems) and said it's quite possibly ADHD. If her behavioral tics don't improve, I'm sort of dreading those middle school years. They can be hard even on the most popular kids. For Carol, it might be a nightmare, especially considering she lives with the social queen of the world. Miss Penny.

I'm thinking Daria might be a show we should consider saving.

For now, I'm just super pleased with the progress she's made. We are so fortunate to be a part of Metcalf. I can't imagine another school that would take a kid like Carol and mold her into the awesome person she's becoming, rather than shoving her in the corner. We are lucky, lucky, lucky indeed.

Especially for a bunch of quitters.

Carol is 8 (a little late)

Last weekend was a bit crazy, so Carol's 8-year-old birthday pics are a week late. I take pictures of the girls every year in the same dress, to watch them grow. But I only took a couple of pics and I think they came out great. Happy birthday, big girl.

Feb. 17, 2012

A day that lives in infamy. Feb. 17 is Carol's birthday. This year, it happened to be her 8th birthday.

Just so happens, last Sunday night, Fife started having massive seizures. Foaming at the mouth, peeing himself, scary seizures. And like an hour after each one, he's pull himself around by his front legs and act really, really weird. It was terrifying and very sad.

Steve took him to the emergency vet that night and they said, due to his age and his lack of lifetime seizures, this new development was almost certainly a brain tumor. There was nothing we could do other than medicate him. Our vet the next day confirmed this. We can medicate him, keep him comfortable. He might last until summer.

But as the week went on, it became apparent that he was getting worse. Fast. The seizures stopped, but the medication made it hard for him to walk. And it became increasingly hard every day. By midweek, we had decided that the best thing to do would be to put him to sleep. Steve made an appointment Thursday for Monday morning.

Just, please, I asked him, not on Carol's birthday.

But the next day (which, if you weren't keeping track, was Friday. Otherwise known as Carol's birthday) he couldn't even stand up. It was incredibly sad and apparent that something needed to be done immediately. On Carol's birthday.

Pause for saddness.

Steve and I developed a complicated tale to spin for the girls when they asked about Fife. We'd tell them later in the week, but not that day.

Funny thing. They never asked. NEVER!!! They just went about their lives as if Fife was still here. It became quite a joke between Steve and I. How long would it take? Which one would figure it out first?

And then Carol had a friend over Saturday afternoon. Her first words were, "Where's your dog?"

"At the vet," Steve promptly replied.

Later that day, after BFF was gone, we told the girls. Penny was like, Yeah. That makes sense.

And Carol? The girl who didn't notice the dog was gone for a day and a half, sobbed for about 2 hours. Sobbed and cried and talked about how much she missed Fife. Normally, I'd feel a little sad about all this sorrow, but Steve and I sort of eye-rolled to each other over AFV (America's Funniest Home Videos for all you rookies out there).

So, sure. It's weird and sad not to have Fife here. But we did the right thing. Carol's birthday wasn't ruined. And we learned how dramatic a second grader can be.

Oh, and we engaged in a little retail therapy. New refrigerator anyone!

RIP FIFE

1998 to Feb. 17 2012
Pet. Friend. Grumpy old man. Miss you buddy.

Valentine craftiness

I've never been a very art-and-crafts kind of mom. I sort of blame myself for Carol's lack of interest on puffy paint and glitter. But this year, thanks in large part to Pinterest, we went for it. We used craft paper, suckers, felt for the leaves and some heart stickers. And the girls pretty much did most of it on their own. I have to say, I think they came out great.

But I think the best part was sitting around the kitchen table, just us girls, shooting the shit and making some Valentines. Now, that's what I call a Friday night!

Carol's progress

Maybe you'll recall the uncomfortable meeting we had with Carol's teacher during parent-teacher conferences in October. At that time, she said she'd like to meet with us again after the new year.

So we e-mailed her and she was like, "Oh yeah. Sure. Come in."

And it was good news. Great even. Carol is doing so much better academically. When she started the year, she was reading at an early first grade level. Now, she's reading at a third grade level. I feel crappy about this, because I've always read to her and read with her, but I guess I won't dwell on my own issues (at least not right here, right now, on this blog).

Steve said the progress was so great, he wasn't even sure they were going to request a follow-up meeting. Way to go, Carol!

She still has some issues with self-control and impulsive behavior, but she's made friends and seems to have blended well into this group of students, many who have know each other since they started preschool together as 3 year olds. And it's for sure not perfect, but it is so much better.

What's awesome about night nursing?

And also a huge pain in the ass?

It's planning on working a 12-hour shift, so I sleep four hours during the day. Then getting called off and sleeping another hour in preparation for an 8-hour shift. And then getting called off and sleeping all night.

That's right folks. That's 13 hours of sleep. There goes my life.

But I feel awesome!

The Crier

Sort of like The Thinker, but with less nobility. It's like when I was a new parent, all self-critical and self-depreciating. Only, now it's happening in the workplace and I'm almost 40 years old. Hooray!

Work has been hard lately. And not hard in the way all-work-is-hard kind of way. Hard in that soul-sucking kind of way that leads to tears and self doubt. Lots of tears. Tears that flow in shower or into whatever dinner I happen to be making. Tears that flow freely upon the iPhone.

And there's no better time for all these feeling to reach their peak than during the annual review.

When my very sweet boss says to me, "So, can you believe it! You've been a nurse for a year!" and I look at her and begin openly weeping, one can conclude that the meeting isn't off to a great start.

About halfway through, she manages to tell me that crying is OK. I remind her that crying in the car is maybe OK. Or in a locked bathroom. It is no way OK to sob during the annual review.

Being a new nurse is hard. And it's extra hard when you are scheduled 5 night a week and when you have to attend quarterly meetings and when the day nurses take every opportunity to tell you how shitty a person you are. And sleeping 4 hours in a 40 hour stretch can take its toll.

Now I'm forced to contemplate changing jobs. This sucks because I finally know where all the rooms are and where they keep the emesis basins (puke tubs). But while emailing a former classmate, I learned that not ALL day nurses are bitches! What!!!

For now, I have finally come to the conclusion that it isn't all me. That I'm not a horrible nurse (my boss even said this as I cried upon the papers that state clearly I'm doing a great job) and that sometimes, you have to re-evaluate your first choices because they're not all going to be winners.

Long weekend

Had a great long weekend with the family. Made pizzas. Took a day trip to Chicago. Cleaned the basement. Woohoo!

But my favorite part was the sledding. By far. Even though I think I broke my thumb, sledding is still the most fun a mom can have on a long, January weekend.

Secrets

Come children. Gather round. Watch as our all-time favorite blogger sticks her foot in her mouth. What's that? You've seen that one already?

When I said the people I work with are unhappy, what I meant to say was, there are some people working on 6 West that are not all that pleasant, but those people in NO WAY indicates Kathy Reynolds. No way... In fact, most of the people at work during the night are very pleasant, happy people. Especially Kathy Reynolds. But even most of the others.

(I had no idea people at work actually read my blog... )

On to other stuff. The other day, Carol was blathering on about vandalism in the locker rooms when the topic of secrets came up. From the backseat, a quiet, ominous voice said...

"We all have secrets. I (pause for dramatic effect) have secrets."

Oh Penny. If I had known the things you know at 6 years old (or maybe even 26 years old), I could have ruled the world. As it is, I have to settle working with extremely fun, entertaining, happy people.

Especially Kathy Reynolds.

Young love

His name is Mario. And I know more about him than I'd like to admit.

Resolving to resolve more

I have one more New Year's resolution to my list. I'm resolving to write more neatly. This might seem like a small thing, but I recently decided my signature looked like something a 7-year-old might do, and not the neatest of 7-year-olds.

Also, I think my goals at work need to be a little more fully explored this year. Sure, tidy penmanship is a good place to start, but as someone who took 62 credit hours in one year and became a registered nurse, with a bachelor degree no less, perhaps I should be considering some longer-term goals.

This all came around after I looked at how unambitious my New Year's resolutions were. And then, I had to do a self-evaluation at work and it because clear that I really had no goals. I've been thinking about this a lot, and wondering where I should go from here. There are no easy answers to this. The things I want accomplish likely will mean a applying for a new job, a task I really, really, really don't want to do, mostly because it seems like it would require a lot of work.

My main goal is to work days. Working nights sucks. Sucks big time. Barring that, I want to work with the critically ill. At my current job, I thought I'd be able to move to days within 2 years. Staffing changes have made that possibility slimmer and slimmer. So what's a nurse to do? Just wait in a job that has horrible hours and some other unpleasantness (people where I work typically don't seem like a super happy bunch), or try for something new after only a year.

It's a pickle. And the worst part is I'm starting this job much too late in life. There are a lot of downsides to a second career. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a nurse and I'm so happy I went back to school, but I just don't have as much time to build a career. Also, I don' t have the flexibility (or stamina) as a 22-year-old nurse without a family.

And why am I writing all this? Because I'm resolving to write more about what going back to nursing school as a mid-30s mom means. For instance, it means I'll never wear this to work...

Bummer. I know.

But it also means I was able to have two careers that I loved. And that I can bring some of my past experiences to my job. And it means that even if I'm chronically tired and slower than my new-nurse co-workers, my life is full from top to bottom. That's awesome, I think....

"2012 Best List Ever" list

So, not the best list ever. Just want to be clear about that.

I have little ambition these days. I want to do a good job at work, spend as much time with my family as possible, sleep in a bed at night on the days I don't work and not spend ALL my free time attempting to either clean and/or organize something. These are not really resolutions. More like wants and needs.

I've set my expectations pretty low this year. So here goes:

1. Quit Facebook. I think I've said what I needed to say on the subject.

2. Organize one room in the house every month this year. This is a joint resolution with Steve (Carol seemed pretty interested too). We just have a lot of crap, so we are attempting to purge. The first room, our back room in the basement, is the largest project so we're going to tackle that one first, on Martin Luther King Jr. weekend. Because Martin Luther King Jr. would have wanted it that way.

3. I will run at least one race longer than a 5K. My two half marathon resolution of 2011 showed me the importance of reaching a little lower than the stars. Instead, I'll settle with trying to swipe the ceiling with my fingertips.

4. I will try to read the paper every day. I will really, really try.

5. I will remember to bring cloth bags to the grocery store.

5. I will try to relax.

And that's it folks. No foreign languages. No advanced degrees. No exercise classes or knitting lessons. Basically, I just want this year to be an improved edition of last year, because last year wasn't so bad, even with the failure.

And, just FYI, this is what a 38-year-old woman looks like after being awake for 26 hours. I know, I know. Don't everybody propose all at once.

House husband

My husband, who let me sleep until 4 pm, took the kids to the playground and let me sleep for 7 straight hours, also made dinner. And this is why I need a house husband, because I've become accustomed to this life.

This is Texas chili from Epicurious. It's sort of like chili stew with a side of beans and rice. Fantastic.

A new chance at failure

I shouldn't feel bad. Really I shouldn't. I had a solid run.

For about 3 years in a row, I was master of New Year's resolution list. I not only accomplished things on my list (rejoining the Catholic church, running a half marathon), I did things AHEAD of time (got into nursing school, beetchees). So, when I accomplished just one thing from the 2011 list, I shouldn't let that make me into a complete failure. Some people don't even have the energy to make a list, much less check things off that theoretical list. And passing the NCLEX, the one thing I actually did, was a biggie.

Still, I can't help but think 2012 will be better. Bigger and better, with less failure.

I have not yet completed the 2012 "Best List Ever" list, but I am definitely (almost definitely) doing one thing... I'm getting off the Facebook. That horse has been ridden to death and I think it's time. I'm not actually going to post this on Facebook, because it's one of those things people threaten to do, but then don't do after many FB friends, some I sure I've never actually met in person, state what a sad day it would be to never read about my adorable, relevant little updates.

A sad day indeed. And while I'm happy to be rid of this time-waster, I do feel like some people might take my departure as a personal affront to our deep and meaningful friendship. People I haven't see in more than a decade will feel let down by my sudden absence.

The truth is, I feel kind of bad about it. It's like a breakup, because, let's be honest here, I am sort of ditching the acquaintance friends of my life. High school chums. Old work buddies. College pals. Sorry. I do feel bad that I'll no longer be able to creep on your kids, or find out what you like to eat for breakfast, but we all knew this day was coming. And I'm pretty sure I won't be the only one heading for a FB-free life.

So here's to a 2012 free of failure. And if I do fail, at least I won't feel obligated to post it on Facebook.

Penny's 6

Well, she was 6, like, a month ago. But here's her birthday pictures now. Live with it.