Because as much as I enjoy feeling like a jackass, and believe me, I've had plenty of practice, I find some behavior among parents baffling.
You're probably wondering what I'm talking about. That's fair. I'm not all that great at explaining myself or communicating with other humans.
This mom from Carolyn's swimming just gave the girls about a half dozen princess dresses, complete with crowns, wands and oh-so-many shoes. I have never seen the girls go so bananas from a set of toys. They disappear for hours (not exaggerating, or maybe just a little) to dress up as a fairy or a disney princess or (Julia, you'll love this per our happily ever after discussion) a tiny blushing bride.
I know moms like to clean out their closets, but this was such a wonderful hand-me-down I wanted to show my utter appreciation. So I got a $10 gift certificate for ice cream.
And here is where everything went wrong. She seemed offended by the gesture. My intention was to show how much we really liked it, not to make somebody feel bad. And now I feel bad. Wrong and bad.
It figures that as soon as the girls reached an age where I stopped feeling incompetent at all times, I would make up that feeling in other areas of my life. Inability to have normal conversations or act appropriately around other moms — check. Feelings of complete loserdom — check. Suddenly worried I'm turning my girls into social pariahs — check, check (because there are two of them).
Not being able to eat ice cream or clean up the constant flow of princess dresses off the floor without feeling like a jackass. That's right... check.
8 comments:
I think your gesture was really nice. Are you sure she was offended? I know as an unloader-of-baby-gear that really all I hope for is a thank you note. But I wouldn't be offended and hold a grudge if I didn't receive even that.
Steve suggested maybe she just seemed awkward about it. But she said, "You know you're not supposed to do that, right?" leading me to believe it was against etiquette (which I just now even had trouble spelling right). It was just so perfect I wanted to do something extra.
Anyway, thanks. I think I'll just stick to the card from now on : )
maybe she was just confused, and now doesn't know the proper etiquette - does she need to send you a thank you note for your thank you gift? can she just say thanks?
I like ice cream. You can send me the gift card :)
Next time you can thank her by leaving a flaming pile of poo on her doorstep. I'm sure Fife will be glad to help out.
Etiquette-shmetiquette.... as far as I'm concerned:
- Gift card for ice cream = nice.
- Weird reaction to gift card = not nice.
And I like Joe's suggestion for the future ;)
You did a nice thing and if she doesn't like it that's her problem not yours. But you know how people say "you didn't have to do that" and than they say thank you because they like it.
I think what you did sounds perfect. If I had given you the playclothes, I would be glad to know how much the girls love them and would enjoy the ice cream as a token of appreciation. If that's not proper parent etiquette, I'm out in left field right along with you. :)
Thanks for backing me everybody. I feel much more secure in my decision to try and do something nice. Don't be too hard on the people who gave the girls the best princess wardrobe of all time. But I do feel much better, and less wrong.
Ice cream for all of you!
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