Comedic genius

I just said Penelope was probably a comic genius in my last post, and now I know it's true. She spent about 15 minutes this morning re-enacting my favorite scene from Steve Martin's "The Jerk," even though she has never heard tell of either the actor/writer/funniest-person-ever and/or movie.

After much debate, Penny decided she would, in fact, agree to go to swimming class later this afternoon. She's been mad at Ms. Connie because, two weeks ago, Ms. Connie told Penny not to climb up the ladder. I know... How dare she.

Anyway, Penny went around the house collecting her items. Her robe, swimsuit, goggles, swim cap and flip flops.

Then, she'd say she needed her new Sleeping Beauty doll.

"That's all I need," she'd say.

Then, she needed a coloring book.

"I got my coloring book," dragging the bag around the house. "That's all I need."

Then she needed a baggie of crayons. Then a giant coloring page. Then a library book. After packing each item, she'd drag the heavier-and-heavier bag around the house.

"And that's all I need."

Field trip

The family and I returned last night from a whirlwind trip to Chicago. I first went to Michigan to see Michelle, a good friend of mine (and we were lucky enough to be in Holland for the second annual Groove Fest, which was super duper fun). 

The next day, I drove to Chicago while Steve took the train with the girls.We did some of the usual stuff. Go to the Disney store. Eat and drink at great restaurants. Penny, of course, only wanted to eat soup (she actually told me, "No soup for you," which makes me believe she's a comedic genius since she doesn't know what a Seinfeld is) and Carolyn mostly dined on salad. While I love to say they're sort of weird eaters, I'm not-so-secretly proud that they would rather eat Minestrone than chicken nuggets. 

We also walked around for hours. I went running down by the lakeshore and became infatuated with the Westin's "Sleep TV" that causes you to fall asleep within five minutes of turning it on. I also mistakenly made fun of a handicap person. This guy with two bum legs let us go by and I said, "It's fine. We're usually the slow ones." No I really said that. In my defense, I had consumed a fair amount of cheap red wine.  It's folly that Steve finds infinitely hilarious and likes to apply to all sorts of situations.

It's really quite horrible and I am truly sorry to anybody reading this with a bum leg.

Finally, we headed over to the Field Museum to look at dinosaur bones. It was a good trip but Penny was pretty much done by the time we left and slept almost the whole way home, rush hour traffic.  See here, as we leave the museum and Carolyn tries to remove my headband while Penny cries in the corner. That about sums up our departure.

I slept 10 hours last night, even without Sleep TV. I almost feel ready to face the day.

A week of ugh

A little case of the sick hit our house this week. Ugh. While none of us stayed in terrible shape for too long, it seems climbing out of this funk into a state of complete wellness has taken longer than I expected. Definitely longer than I wanted

Anyway, we did venture out today, with disastrous results. Carolyn came down with a case of the clumsies at the playground. She was playing with an older girl while I anxiously watched Penny tackling larger and larger ladders. Then I saw Carolyn whimpering with a group of moms standing around her, of course, and they said she fell and hurt her back. And it was scraped up pretty good.

Carolyn was more frantic about not being able to find me than the injury. She said, "All the other mommies were watching over their sweethearts." Good grief. By the time we left, she had hurt herself twice more, which is really pretty uncommon for her and more of a Penelope kind of thing.

Then, after moving to a quieter playground (we were the only ones there, sweet bliss) and off to downtown for lunch, I realized I forgot my wallet at home.

Doh! That is such a rooky mistake. There was so much screaming and crying on the bike ride home (some of it even came from the girls) that we were all spent by the time we got in the house. Both girls are still sleeping two hours later, if that's any indication on how the morning went.

We are an at-home kind of trio this afternoon. Besides. I have windows and screens to wash and gardening to tend to. Oh joy. But at least I can lock the girls in their bedrooms when they start screaming here.

Scaring the shit out of your 5-year-old, part 2

Steve took the girls out today and, as is his wont, had the radio tuned to crazy right-wing talk shows. Let it never be said that Rush Limbaugh isn't a family-friendly kind of guy.

At one point Carolyn asks Steve, "What's a baby killer?"
Steve tell her that nobody kills babies.
"They were joking?"
Yes, of course they were joking.
"Do jerks kill babies?"
No, not even jerks kill babies. She ponders this for a minute.
"Because they aren't strong enough?"

Post Easter glow

As predicted, last week was pretty crazy. In four days, I went to church four times. The girls went twice including the Good Friday service where the congregation kisses the feet of the life size (which was also fairly lifelike) crucifix. Carolyn got up there and in her outdoor voice shrieked "What's that."

My mom made it to our house for Easter too. It really was a lovely holiday, complete with chocolate bunnies, egg hunts in our backyard and fancy dresses. The best Easter in my memory.

Back to real life, which now includes swim lessons for Penny. She just loves them, which is a pleasant surprise and a big relief. I'm sure there's about a billion other things to write about, but I just can't think of them right now.

Happy Holy Week

While Carolyn thought the Mr. Easter Bunny was pretty rockin', Penny was pretty traumatized. So, no pictures of her screaming to get away. Not this year.

Well, just a week until Easter. We are especially busy this year, for reasons I will outline in a moment, so I won't be blogging this week. This weekend also was pretty busy for reasons I will outline shortly.

This weekend:
• I ran 10 miles. Yeah for me. It was a little slower than I would have liked, but I felt great for most of it, which is a big improvement over a few weeks ago.
• This year's Easter egg hunt was just one long fiasco. The things we took away from this experience were that nice spring weather makes people come out in huge numbers, parents of small children are not immune from jerkiness and six plastic eggs. It was chaos, but still fun.
• Carolyn had FOUR shots on Friday. What a trooper. She came through OK, but I had made more than a few promises, thankfully, I was able to see through. That meant a trip to Toys R Us (Carolyn got the game Operation, which is both very annoying and super awesome), lunch at her favorite restaurant and an inaugural trip to Chuck E Cheese. My head still hurts.

This week:
• There will be more than a few hours spent in church for my upcoming confirmation, including a mass Good Thursday (*see note) where I will have my feet washed by a priest. That shouldn't be at all awkward.
• I'm working on deadline on a story, which I put off until my busiest week of the year.
• Penny starts swimming lessons this week. Fingers crossed, she seems really excited about it.
• I still have to get to the store for Easter presents. That big stupid rabbit isn't bringing candy, but rather very specific gifts that require his staff to run all over town. Stupid rabbit.

And just as an aside, Steve thinks it's really funny to play the theme to Doogie Howser M.D. while I write my blog. Happy Holy Week!

(*Note: My dear friend Jazzy Joe pointed out Thursday is called Holy Thursday, not Good Thursday, making me a bad Catholic. I'd argue that I was drunk when I wrote that so I was well within the parameters of Catholicism. Come talk to me when a priest washes your feet.)

When did sugar become a good thing?

Don't get me wrong. I'm a fan of sugar. And butter. And oil. And meat.

But it doesn't mean those things are actually good for us. Sugar's probably the worst of the lot because of its complete lack of nutritional value. It was to be avoided at all costs for many, many years.

Steve and I were watching TV last night and Snapple was advertising its new tea, "with sugar." Like sugar some magical new health food. Sure it's better than high fructose corn syrup, which is in virtually everything processed because it's such a cheap product, but sugar still rots teeth and makes you fat.

Steve had it right. "Who would have thought they would invent something that makes sugar look good."

By the way, I'm totally an old person magnet. When all the other moms are chatting at library story time, I'm jawing away to the grandma who lives across the street. I am always talking to the oldest caregiver in the room. This is not to say I'm super mature or anything, I've known plenty of immature old people, but I think it does say something about my character, or my reluctance to dye to my hair.

I also think it explains my love for crossword puzzles and "Antiques Roadshow."