From the "Horrible mother" file

“Am I making it hard for my girls to compete when they’re older?”

I wonder this today as I’m sitting on a bench in downtown Normal, eating ice cream with Carolyn and waiting for the Amtrak train to arrive, just so we can look at it for a minute. This is my life.

Since leaving work, I’ve really slowed it down quite a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always busy cooking or cleaning or looking for freelance work. But I make it a point to get out twice each day, mostly just to wander around the neighborhood.

As Carolyn, Penny and I sat there eating ice cream, other housewife moms were scurrying in or out of the brand-new, multi-million dollar children’s museum. And all over town I hear moms saying, “Just a few minutes. We have to go here and there and then back over here.” They seem so much busier than I am.

Just today, Carolyn and I spent no less than five minutes watching a caterpillar cross the sidewalk. And I wonder, is all this dilly-dallying hurting my children’s social skills? Will they be able to multi-task? Will they be social misfits?

What's crazy is that I think I'm the one doing things right. But I wonder.

I wouldn’t be so worried, but I live a lonely existence. While all these other very busy moms rush in and out of organized playgroups, I find myself walking alone. A lot.

Side note. Today is Steve and my fifth anniversary. On this week’s “Scrubs,” one of the characters made a reference to those “relationship-killing baby years.” Oh yes. I know the ones.

Well, raise your glass everyone, here’s to those, and the ones that follow.