Exhale, sigh

I felt a huge shift in tempo at our house today. Carolyn had her last day of preschool yesterday, so we've officially entered Christmas break. That's a full week ahead of the public school kids.

I'm so relieved. With Carolyn's new swim team schedule, it's been a little crazy. I get her to school at 12:15, rush home to get Penny down for nap, wake Penny up starting at 2 p.m., leave the house at 2:30 to get Carolyn from school at 2:45, race home to get dressed for swim practice and walk back up to the pool where we are always running late for 3:30 swim team.

Then I sit there for an hour, biting my nails while Carolyn barely manages to doggy paddle her way across the pool. It's not that bad, but she is obviously way behind the other kids and I'm totally stressed the whole time. Not just that, but swim team moms are sort of a little clique, so now I feel like I'm back in high school, but instead of being judged solely on my huge feathered hair and pegged khakis, I'm being judged on my parenting.

This is the worst kind of feeling. It's not that they're not nice, because they really are, but feeling like a 13-year-old loser is not conducive to good parenting. Poor Carolyn and Penny with their awkward, shoulder-slumped mama.

So we leave the pool after getting all dried off, coats on, hats snuggly fitted around wet head and walk home in the dark. Then it's shower time for Carolyn.

Now it's after 5 and I haven't even started dinner. Is this life with older kids, because it's really hard and I feel really out of place.

Which is why Christmas break feels like a huge vacation, just at the right time. Maybe I should wear a huge "World's Best Mom" T-shirt when I get back, just so the other moms know how awesome I really am.