Today is the worst

So anyway, I'm having a crappy morning as is, so I decide that's not going to stop me. Turn that frown upside down, right?

I decided I'll go to the gym and then Barnes and Noble, where they're having some kid stuff. It's raining and I feel like crawling into bed with a bottle of tequilla, but working out works too.

Starts out simply enough. I'm on the trendmill, watching Hollywood get fat, get skinny, get fat again on some E! show. Ahhh. Gotta love Hollywood.

Then the lady on the loudspeaker comes on, which I have NEVER heard before. It's for me. "Christine Gardner. Please go to the childcare room."

So quick am I that I don't even stop to wipe down the machine. Carolyn's arms broken. Penelope swallowed a nickle. Whatever it is, I'll be there in a flash.

Well, Penny was poopy. Whew. That's not disaster. I told the lady I'd be back in a minute with the diaper bag.

I run to get it and in that two minutes, they come back on the loudspeaker demanding my RETURN to the childcare area.

I was yelled at on the loudspeaker!!

So I decide maybe the gym wasn't the best idea, but we should definitely go to the bookstore. The poopy diaper was just a way of geting us out there on time. Fate was on my side.

Well, there were roughly 300 children seated in a circle at Barnes and Noble, each just as angelic as the next. The mothers had makeup on, their hair fixed and their children were smiling and coloring pictures in an organized, polite fashion. I realize Carolyn's shoes are coated in mud and she's running away from me screaming the word "juice" over and over again.

I am wiping the floor with a children's wipey, tears about to stream down my face.

Well, now Barnes and Noble is out. I literally sprinted from the store

So here I am, thinking maybe the kids need a new, less crazy mommy to take them out. I'm thinking maybe daycare is the way to go. I'll get a job and let strangers raise my children.

With daycare, there's a possibility the girls will turn out fine. With me, it's just a matter of time before a police officer is standing outside my door. "This belong to you maam?

"Yes," I'll say. "I'm responsible for that."