Here come Santa Claus. Bah...

The family and I braved the cold and icy weather this weekend to go to the community Christmas event. I was reminded, once again, of all the reasons I hate this holiday so much.

Every event. Every cookie. Every trip to Target. It's always a huge letdown. Except for it's a "Charlie Brown Christmas," which remains the best cartoon ever made.

Anyhow, the girls liked it OK. Carolyn asked Santa, rather shyly, for a clock. That's right. Girlie's got her heart set on a clock for her room. So hard to please. (FYI.. Do NOT buy a clock for Carolyn. That's Santa's job.)

Penelope seemed excited, only to realize Santa is actually pretty scary (big hairy guy in a bright red suit....Um, yeah...) so no lap time this year. We also waited in seriously cold and windy conditions to ride the horse carriage (about eight people at a time can ride), only to realize the guy ahead of us was holding the place in line for about 30 kids.

That's what I love most about the holidays — the jerkiness.

Yet again, disappointed. And this time, really, really cold. Here are the pics.

Snow, snow, snow

We had our first dusting of snow last night, so we just had to get the girls all dressed up to go outside. Then we got them undressed to come inside. Then we got them redressed to go to swimming practice. Then we got them undressed at the pool, redressed at the pool and, finally, undressed just in time for lunch.

Later, we hit the stores for boots and mittens. What excitement our lives have.



On a more annoying note, Penelope refuses to sleep in her bed. After I decided to let her do whatever the hell she wanted this afternoon, this (see below) resulted. Give me strength. Scratch that.

Give me alcohol!!!!

Busy, busy, busy

I'm much too busy to bore everybody (yes, even you mom) with the mundane details of my life, and trust me, they are mundane, but I had to take a minute to share some exciting news.

Penelope pooped in the potty.

Say that five times fast. Unless you're at a restaurant or some kind of food court where people might not appreciate it.

After nap today, she locked herself in Carolyn's room for her 3 p.m. poop behind closed doors. I caught her and was like, "No you don't," took off her diaper and showed her the seat. Then she was like, "You don't own me, mother. Take this," as she hurled said potty chair over her head.

After a few distractions and just leaving her alone, she sat on the chair — on her own — and used it for the very first time. She had never so much as tinkled in the thing before today. It was pretty awesome. Here's a picture...


Kidding. Not even I am that much a stickler for posterity. But please let this be the road to a diaper-free household.

Penelope is 2!!!

Here are some pics of my birthday girl. She is so beautiful.

It's hard to believe that two years ago, about this time, she had just been born and I was all doped up on morphine.

I think I should get that experience every year on her birthday. The morphine, that is, not the birthing.

And even though it IS Penny's day, Carolyn had her first swim lesson at her fancy-shamcy swim school today (I say fancy even though, and I swear this is true, a centipede attacked me in the locker room) and I can hear Penelope, a 28-year-old art student shacking up with her loser boyfriend as Swimmer Carolyn wins her fourth gold medal...

"I might have been something too if you had cared enough to let me get into the pool on my second birthday instead of making me watch my sister have the time of her life swimming."

Kids. They're never grateful.

Thankful for non-hill dwelling

The family and I had a fantastic Thanksgiving. I especially enjoyed my fourth annual Black Friday shopfest accompanied by my sister-in-law Monica. It was the most fun I ever had shopping at 5 a.m., in part because Monica didn't seem to mind my tunnel-vision attitude toward nonsensical purchases.

About 6:30 at Macy's. Monica: I saw you looking at kid's stuff and then you were gone. The next time I saw you, you had an arm full of towels.

On the way home from Tulsa, Steve, the girls and I did a little hiking to stretch our legs. Returning to the freeway, we got lost on top of a Missouri hill where little boys with guns roamed freely. It made West Virginia look like New York City. We escaped without squealing like a pig, thankfully, and came home safe and sound.

Here are some pics of our outdoor adventure, along with the girls and their cousins, the beloved Jeremiah and his sister Isabella.

A swimming lesson foretold

You may remember such fantastic Carolyn-terrifies-parents stunts from such videos as this:


So today, when we missed the bus and instead walked over to the nearby swim club to check out what all the fuss is about. All the parents who go there rave about the program, despite the fact that it looks as though Freddy Kruger might jump behind one from one of the creepy rooms at any moment.

We went in and haggled about the day and time. At first, I got the not-so-hot Mon/Wed night class, but the owner was there and she said somebody had just backed out of the Mon/Wed morning class.

So if we had made the bus, none of this excellent timing would have happened. And Carolyn starts on Wednesday!

I know I'm one of those parents who are like, "Kids today are in too much stuff. Just let them be kids." And now I have Carolyn in activities Monday through Thursday. Yes I know, but did you see the video?

Rock stars

My girls are rock stars. They're not going to let the quality of their music interrupt their mojo.

Carolyn picks a toy

And I'm totally not buying it.
It's from the Little People collection, from which we have eight billion pieces. It's a Fisher Price, made in China item. It's at Toys R Us.
But none of those are the reason I'm refusing to buy this perfectly good, cheap toy that she asked for specifically.
No, the reason is this. She picked out the toy in the Toys R Us ad today, the same ad that displayed a sale for Aqua Dots, a toy recently recalled because it contains the same chemical as the infamous date rape drug.
Toys R Us didn't think enough to yank the ad? Steve pointed out its the equivalent of the "F" word getting through in a headline and the copy editor's shrugging their shoulders and saying, "Oh well."
Oh well. I guess Toys R Us is off our Christmas list.

Do this... NOW!!!

Carolyn has a bit of a bossy streak. I imagine it comes from having a little sister.

"Penelope do this. No, not like that. Like this. No. Do this in here. Come here Penelope. No. Walk faster Penelope. Now do this, like this."

Whatever. But she's started bossing me around a bit and momma don't play that.

The other day, we had this exchange.

"Mommy. Come here and pull my pants up."

You'll have to wait, I told her. I'm helping Penelope put on her shoes.

"MOMMY. COME HERE and pull my pants up."

I told you to wait.

"MOMMY. COME HERE AND PULL MY PANTS UP!!!!"

Silence. I was finishing with the shoes. Then I hear this little voice coming from the bathroom.

"Uh oh. She can't hear me."

Here are some pics of Penelope today on our twice-weekly trip downtown. Today: post office and Coffee Hound for latte and muffin.

The 2-year-old on the bus goes, "fun, fun, fun"

If you have a 2-year-old, take her on a bus.

I can't think of a birthday or Christmas present for Penny, who changes her desires roughly every 2.3 minutes, but I do know this:

She always, always, always wants to ride the bus. We've started a new Tuesday ritual of taking the bus downtown while Carolyn is in school. Penelope, who can go from monster to angel in roughly 1.8 seconds, and I are like best friends out for coffee. It is so nice to spend that time with her, she's always thrilled by the bus ride and I feel like she's learning so much just by wandering around (saw a bulldozer in action today!).

Today, we went to breakfast, to get my watch repaired and to the library, and still would have had time for the post office had I had something to mail.

Thinking back, Carolyn had the same sort of love of public transit when she was 2. She likes it now, but it's no longer the love of her life. That's why I vow to take as many bus rides as I can before Penelope starts causing noisy scenes, which might get us all the way through winter.

Hey, it's fall by the way

Quick update

We have been so full of vim and vigor during the last week, I forgot to tell everybody about it.

The weather here is amazing. It's in the 60s and 70s every day. This has proved to be a tiny bit of a problem because I'm pretty sure our neighborhood has been invaded by termites (ewww)... IN NOVEMBER! We went for a walk last night and found them all over the place.

But mostly we're having fun.

Like last week, Penelope and I dropped Carolyn off at school. We were standing outside when I said, "Hey. Let's catch the bus downtown for coffee." She was like,"That sounds like a plan" so off we went.

It was the best time ever. I sat and sipped my latte while Penelope ate a muffin and flirted with construction workers. Ever since then, she's been all about the bus.

What's kind of funny is a mom asked me if I walked all over with Penelope while Carolyn was in school. Before I could think, I answered, "Oh, yeah."

Why I didn't tell her I took the bus downtown in the most awesome quick trip ever is beyond me. Steve said I'm secretly embarrassed because of the social-economic stigma that goes along with riding the bus, and maybe he's right, but I still love that the girls and I can get to Target without a minivan.

Dangerous driving

Driving must be one of those things that if you don't do a lot, you start sucking at. I used to be a great driver, especially in the city. I have amazed people with my parallel-parking talents. I had the ability to put on mascara and talk on the phone while merging in between semis. I had an uncanny ability to find Dr. Laura at any time of day.

Well, that's no longer the case. Yesterday, when I drove to Plano, Ill., for my friend Dana's baby shower (pics below. Seriously, nobody should be that pregnant AND that skinny), I crossed a bridge with some construction and I was unable — that is, not physically able — to look to my left or right or go more than 40 mph.

"Carolyn... Shhh... Mommy's trying not plummet over the bridge.

It made me feel just slightly better that Steve tried to take one of my shortcuts with the bike and trailer yesterday while Carolyn and I were gone, and he found the space so tight he had to get off and walk the bike through. I won't mention how I flipped the trailer a few days ago (girls are OK) and realized city driving (i.e., cutting off slow old ladies) only works in a car.

Anywho, Carolyn and I had a lot of fun getting all dressed up and having a mommy/daughter day sans Penelope, a.k.a. Oh, Screaming One. Here are some pics from the day.

Rock on All Saints Day

Last night, the family and I had a great time trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. The weather was perfect (a little chilly, just like it should be). The girls loved going up to the neighbor's houses. There was this one block with everyone dressed up and a scary haunted house, one that Carolyn did not care for.

All in all, a Halloween success. Only Penny still refused to put on the Lion costume. I told a bunch of people that a leopard was as close as we could get to a cowardly lion. In fact, I couldn't even get Penelope to wear the ears at first and I was never able to get on the tail.

Oh well.

What Penny should have been was a tiny little monster. We wouldn't have even needed a costume.

These pics are actually from the night before Halloween at the downtown Normal trick-or-treat thing. There's one photo the girls waiting for the bus and then Penelope on the bus, going a little overboard on "CHEESE."

Halloween Eve II

I predicted it last Halloween Eve and it's true. Penelope will likely be a leopard this year.

This is a long and tragic tale of the toddler who would not wear the super fantastic lion costume her great-aunt Sandy spent two weeks making, not to mention driving it to Illinois, so that Carolyn's Dorothy, complete with Toto and ruby-red slippers, could have some company. Penelope is on my list, although I'm including a picture of Carolyn so you can see the scope of this costume.

While today is not actually Halloween, Carolyn had her party at school (pictured below with her class. How cute!)and we're going downtown (uptown) Normal tonight for the business trick or treating while picking up our CSA veggies from farmer Henry. Only three more weeks after tonight. I am so sad.

So here are some preview pictures. If you want to see what Penelope will look like, just look at last year's pictures of Carolyn, who was a kitty cat, not a leopard.

I've certainly gotten my money's out of Carolyn's $40 Gymboree-jumper/cheetah costume.

The wrath of cable

I'm in the kitchen making a feast. For who? Well my 90-pound Aunt Sandy. Anyhow, I'm in the midst of making the frosting for my one-day-to-be-famous butter cream frosting cake (OK, it's a Cook's Illustrated recipe, but it'll be famous in my family with its POUND AND A HALF of butter) when I hear laughing in the living room

What? The girls aren't trying to murder each other. I let it go... Turns out, Carolyn had found her new favorite show on our cable-accessible television — America's Funniest Home Videos. The LOVE it. I don't so much mind the laughter, but I kind of cringe at the-applause.

Earlier today, I put a dress on Carolyn my mother-in-law got her a few weeks ago. Carolyn's dress shoes had outgrown her (she complained about them the last time she wore a dress) so I got out these shoes I bought last Spring at Meijer. They were originally $22, but I got two pair for $5 (buy one pair, get the other free, or something like that) and I had kind of forgotten what they looked like, only that they were brown.

Tell me these shoes weren't made for this dress... Amazing.



Also, here's a picture of Penelope. I just told my mom today that I'm ready to cut her hair, but when I see pictures of her, I just don't know if I can do it.

People are stupid

The family and I went to this fall festival over the weekend at a nearby nature preserve. The preserve is pretty rockin', but the festival was kind of lame. They did have a country band, which was fun, but it was about 80 degrees outside, much too warm to enjoy hot cider.

Anyhow, while we were listening to a band, Steve found some liter. It was ORGANIC chocolate bars, wrapped in a plastic bag and thrown to the ground. If you're going to go through the trouble of buying organic dove bars, shouldn't you at least pick up your trash??

I've been photo deficient lately, so here's a picture of the girls riding the wagon to the festival. Also, here's an older pic of Jeremiah during his last visit. We totally miss him.

Oh so busy

I just can't get caught up. On top of the kids and cooking and school and work and traveling (thankfully over now) and oh-how-I-hate-you laundry, Steve and I went and got cable.
So now I'm forced to catch up on three missing years of the Comedy Channel. Did you know South Park is still funny?
We've been without cable for about three years now, and frankly, I'm a little disappointed it's back. For one, not having cable gave us this great "oh, we're so sophisticated we don't need television" one-up over other people. And two, we don't use cable to give us access to the history channel or book review channel or anything even mildly intellectual.
No. I like the Soap Network. And music videos. Basically anything where hot people are prancing around saying stupid things. That's my idea of prime entertainment.
So we've gone from pretension to jaw-dropping morons in one-fell swoop.
But I will say this for paid television. It's so much clearer than the little rabbit ears on top of the TV. I can't tell you how many times it took me the better part of a first half to get an acceptable view of a football game.
So there you have it. If you call me in the next few weeks and I don't answer the phone, know that I'm catching up on the new reality show where some woman named tequila tries to find true love with a straight man or a lesbian woman. Seriously, you can't get that on network.

Get off my boat

Carolyn is so funny. Today, she told off a popular, cute high school boy, and he took it...

We were at the playground and Carolyn decided a portion of the playground, only accessible by bridge, was her boat. We were fishing and eating and having a lovely day on the water when Penelope wandered off.

Cute high school boy wanders on. He and his friends (they were all meeting at the playground for track or something) were swinging on the playground equipment and landed on the boat.

Carolyn, walking across the bridge stops. She looks him in the eye and said, clear as day, "Get off my boat."

And he did. I love that.

Back to Blog

Yes, it's been a while since blogging. But my life has just been crazy the last few months. First the back and forth to Michigan for dad's illness and then his memorial, which is the saddest freakin' thing I'd ever seen. Then, a few days home before heading to Vegas where some old friend and I pretended to be 22 again. And now home, again, where work and girls and school and house are waiting for attention. AND, Penny's sick.

So... blogging? Not so important.

But, for the sake of historical preservation, let's go through a few girl things.

* Carolyn won't pull the stopper out of the bathtub until she takes out the number "1" because she's scared it'll go down with the water.

* Penelope sings ALL the time and can climb almost everything Carolyn can.

* Carolyn can ride a tricycle. Pretty well.

* Penelope loves to pretend she's a lion.

* We finally got cable. Cable!!!!

That's all for now. We won't be leaving Illinois for the next 8, 9, hmmm... years? So please come see us. We have cable!
*

Two loads to go

That's how much I have until I'm officially CAUGHT UP. My house. My kids. My school. My writing. Everything has fallen behind.

But I'm almost there. And just in time to be gone for two consecutive weekends. Just enough time to fall behind again.

There isn't much happening. There's this nice lady I always run into, and her kid is in Carolyn's preschool class. But now, our runnings-into-each-other have become more frequent and I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm stalking her. No of course I'm not. But I'd be a little afraid of friendly hellos too if I thought a dead rabbit might end up in my kitchen.

The grocery store by my house is so awesome, I go about every other day. OK. I went twice yesterday. It's just that great.

And the girls are perfect of course. Carolyn's adjusting slowly to preschool and Penelope is not at all interested in potty training. That doesn't stop us from letting her run around naked all afternoon. And she's not pooping on the floor, so that's something.

Enough rambling. Like I said...Nothing interesting is happening.

The girls rock my world

We're back in Normal, trying to return to some semblance of such, and the one great gift we have are the girls.

Case in point: I caught Carolyn today reading the comic page. I admit, Mary Worth is really good this week.



Pretty impressive, unless you consider this...



Penelope is reading the front page. She'll be able to debate grandpa on the merits of the Democratic candidates in no time.

My Dad's Life

Thursday afternoon, with my mom and I by his bedside, my dad died.

It's been an incredibly sad time for my entire family, but I will say that I'm thankful to have been his daughter. My dad taught me that you don't need a lot to be happy. He loved me and was proud of me. Simple.



"Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God."

Happy Days

Well, not really. My dad's health situation continues on its path of grimness, so I wanted to share some very happy moments.

Carolyn started preschool today. Since she attended the summer program, it was pretty anticlimactic but still cool because she's in this program for a full year, they're using the big classroom and Carolyn was an old pro. Penelope and I went to the park (translate: I was once again blowing off work) to enjoy the super nice fallish weather we were having today. This first picture looks like a 3-year-old clone of my sister-in-law Monica.



Also, I received a perfect score on my first anatomy and physiology quiz, which is quite a feat. I was the only person at my lab table to get a 100 percent. I'm queen of the table, I was quick to tell them.

Carolyn and Penelope love each other very much and are best friends.



Schnuck's grocery store just today opened it's new store, which is about a mile from our house and right off the bike trail. I'll be able to take my bike to grocery shopping!!! Hurray. I've been waiting for this for a long time. I can totally shop as I go rather than stock up for a full week or more. My mostly car-free lifestyle is complete.

The girls and I WILL be going this afternoon...

Deal of the century

Carolyn's been ready for a big bed for some time now. Steve and I have been saying we'll get her one, and she keeps asking.

So it was really a stroke of luck that today, when I was checking the classifieds, I found a garage sale ad that included a twin bed. When we went to look at it, we found a the most beautiful girl bed and Sealy mattress set for $125. It's perfect. I even got two identical ballerina quilt sets for another $25.

And the couple, who were so nice, delivered it for us. I tell you this: patience pays off. It's the green parenting trifecta — gorgeous, affordable and recycled.

Here are the girls, and Fife, enjoying the fancy new nighty-night.

I was only gone THREE days

Steve, recently deemed St. Husband by my mom and aunt, is really a great guy. While I was in Michigan the last three days to see my dad, Steve sent me this video for my birthday.


See!!! That's seriously the sweetest, most touching thing anybody has ever done for me. The big lug.

Also, he tended to the girls, endured a killer stomach bug (which I have also, which we believe to be gifted from Penny earlier in the week) and always helped me make tough decisions. He really is great.

But in three days, he made lots of little stupid husband mistakes. Since his sainthood means I won't actually nitpick him apart right here, for fear of massive retribution from my family, I will say that when I left on Saturday, Carolyn was just a sweet, forthright 3-year-old.

I came home to find her a seasoned liar.

Fibbing is probably more accurate, and she's not even all that good at it.
One day, she was kind of grumpy when Steve asked her what sound cows make.

"I don't know," she said.
Steve asked her if they say, "Moo."
"No, they don't say Moo," she said. "The say Do."
Really, Steve said. Do?
"Yes," she told him. "They used to say Moo. Now they say Do."

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

And yes, I blame Steve. St. Husband Steven James Gardner made our perfectly sweet daughter into a liar. And secretly, I think he's kind of proud...

Bad day

Here's picture from less than two weeks ago...

Seriously. Look at the happy healthy dad. He's old and all, but still, he's great. Except that today he had to go to the hospital and they found out he had a heart attack.

Shit....

Other people's parents have heart attacks. Not my parents. So you see why I'm so surprised. My mom and aunt have taken care of everything, and they say everything is fine and that dad's fine, but I still feel like a horrible daughter, several hours away trying not to think about how slowly this day is going.

So, I decided to bake myself a birthday cake. It's a butter cream cake that has a whopping pound and a half of butter, but you do what you can to get by. Carolyn's very on-board with this idea.

So ends the summer of Chris

It's been fun. Really it has. Riding around town on my bike, going to the pool.

But my super-easy, carefree summer life is at an end — abruptly. After a series of trips with the girls, more freelance and my new decision to take an anatomy and physiology class, it's no more easy street (Annie reference) for me. And it's too bad, because I really enjoy being tan and well rested.

It's a lot like living in Normal. This summer, when the roads were clear (important for anybody new to cycling) and I didn't have to run into a tiny co-ed leaning over her mostly empty shopping cart gabbing into her phone in every aisle at the grocery store, I came to appreciate small-town life. But they're back... The students. And while I thank students for giving me a lively little downtown with good restaurants and such, I hate them.

They're dirty, mostly stupid and just annoying. At Kroger yesterday, a pretty little thing was stroking her hair when she asked her boyfriend: "What's the difference between white vinegar and balsamic?

Well, one is used to clean toilets and the other is for eating. But whatever. I left her to mull over this quandary.

And I leave you with the idea that I'll be posting less. I'll try to keep up the pics, but there will definitely be less musings. For you, it's like summer break in a college town.

Bliss.

Descent into madness

I'll say this about our overnight trip to Chicago — we're better prepared then most when the apocalypse happens.

Steve and I have a long and storied history of not doing things like other people. Instead of driving in a nice air conditioned car, we take a crowded train. Instead of taking cabs, we take the subway. Instead of being normal, we insist the modern conveniences that make our country great are a practice in excess.

And so when we take pictures before we board the train, and Steve said now starts our descent into madness, he knows what he's talking about.

Our trip was mostly great. We ate at great restaurants, had fun with the girls, enjoyed the sites. But when we had to leave our favorite restaurant early because the screaming girls refused to eat (and they ALWAYS eat at Frontera, because the food is THAT good) and I was left alone to scarf my sustainable seafood while choking back tears, you know the descent has begun.

Thanks goodness for the margaritas.

And here's the kicker. There was a couple on our train with two girls (5 and 3) who were obviously video watching, minivan driving, American Girl type people. After thoroughly judging them because they both stole our elevator and our prime seats, they saved our ass by inviting our girls to watch a movie with their girls on the trip home. And to boot, they were incredibly friendly.

Turns out we are not superior. We're just a stinky, tired family whose long road to crazy was much shorter than expected.

Now, see our photos.

Just in time

Penelope finally said OK to the water park slide. It took all summer, and the pool closes in a week, but she did it!

Now, that's all she wants to do.

Dumb dog

It's all about Annie. That's why Carolyn suddenly needs to hug and pet Fife all day long. And I could tell her a billion times not to step on Fife's paws, but it took Annie's love for her big shaggy dog Sandy to teach Carolyn that stepping on paws is just wrong. And now she's trying to teach Penelope.

Annie is a wonderful movie. I don't think I ever saw it as a kid, and the only reason we own it is because my father-in-law bought it for Carolyn, presumably to irritate Steve, who has horrible memories of his sister's constant loop of the catchy musical on the VCR.

But I just love it. I love Carol Burnett as the evil Mrs. Hannigan. I love the sappy music. I love the orphans. I love that I always get weepy when they sing this:

True he ain't pedigreed, Sandy, there ain't no better breed.
And he really comes in handy,
'Specially when you're all alone in the night
and you're small and terribly frightened it's
Sandy, Sandy who'll always be there!

But most of all, I love that Carolyn loves Fife enough to bury him beneath a pile of her dolls.



It's high praise indeed, as you can see. It's also one of Carolyn's favorite pastimes.

My new table

Steve bought me two bar stools the other day. Yes...

And not "yes" for the reasons everybody thinks, although I'm not opposed to drinking tequila on a barstool.

No, these stools are for the girls. They can sit at the counter while I cook, which keeps me from stepping on them because they refuse to leave me alone when I'm in the kitchen. Bonus, they can help.

Like Carolyn helping me shuck corn for lunch. Corn, incidentally, we drove our bike to get yesterday straight from Farmer Henry.



And here are the girls this morning, "helping" me make pancakes.

We love a parade

In the last few years, the family and I have been to our share of small-town parades. And yet I never quite got it. Neither Steve or I are from small towns, so we were always left feeling, "What is so great about a parade?"

Well, Carolyn filled us in Saturday. It's the candy.

It was the first time she really "got" the parade candy. You should have seen her standing there, timidly waving to the passing cars, waiting for them to toss handfuls of Tootsie Rolls at her. It was a really crappy parade, all in all, but it was the most fun I'd ever had at one.

Here are some pictures.




In the afternoon, we went to the pool. Yes, again. It's just such a wonderful, wonderful place. And yesterday, temps in the mid-80s and humid, there was little else to comfortably do, yet the pool was almost empty. This meant I could sit back and watch the girls – with no chance of losing sight of them in the crowd – and stay for almost two hours.

Anyhow, this is what two hours of pool looks like when you get home. Early bedtimes are a wonderful thing.

Hot dogs and poop = pool fun

I don't know what came over me today. On the way back from the pool, I stopped and got a chili dog and french fries.

Now, occasionally I leave the pool a little hungry, from the water and sun and such, but rarely do I desire anything larger than a small salad, dressing on the side, after spending time at the toddler pool.

Because while there are a good share of normal moms, there's a disproportionate amount of women who instructed doctors to return their bodies to circa 1992. I totally know it's possible to mostly get back in shape, but there's only so far a women with three kids can go before a tuck-tuck here and a lift-lift there happens.

Also today at the pool, I was pondering the contents of my pool bag, which I always take even though it's an extra 10 pounds in the back of the bike. When I was sorting through the sunscreen and plastic alligators, I came across two plastic bags.

Why do I need plastic bags?

Here's why.

When your baby girl has a big, wet, carrot-induced, sloppy... well, you know... when you change her, you better hope you have a plastic bag. And when the towel you changer her on is rendered unusable, you better be thankful you have another one.

And I was.

Computer savvy

A few days ago, Carolyn asks Steve, "Can we go to pbskids.org?"

Sure, Caillou isn't the biggest branded character around, but there's still danger lurking on PBS. Anyhow, Steve said OK.

Today, I set up the old Mac downstairs for Carolyn to use, and it went a little better than I would have liked. She picked up using the mouse in like 30 seconds and started playing games on her own in about 10 minutes.

It was pretty amazing.

Here are some pics of the girls on another nature outing (because our lives rarely revolve around media, of which we are lacking), a picture of Carolyn this morning (tell me she doesn't look like Boo from Monster's Inc!) and video of Carolyn singing. It's a real song, "Little Mr. Roo" from my favorite children's CD, although it's a little hard to tell.

Also, new post at Gristmill. It's about food and it got people all wound up. I stopped paying attention yesterday.

Things you might not know about the girls

Penelope: We're almost positive she's going to be left handed.

Carolyn: Knows all the words to the Winnie the Pooh song. "Winnie the Pooh. Cuddly little snuggly all stuffed with fluffies."

(note: I actually saw somebody else write out the lyrics last night and they were completely different then mine. So I looked it up and it's actually " Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff. He's Winnie-the-Pooh." I guess nobody really knows the words.)

Penelope: Loves to dress up. I just bought a glass pitcher full of beaded necklaces at a garage sale last week for $4, and Penelope is way more interested than Carolyn in draping them around her neck.

Carolyn: Can remember I told her I would buy ice cream at the grocery store three days before I actually went shopping.

Penelope: Thinks the bike is a car.

Carolyn: Loves the part in the Wizard of Oz where the wicked witch says, "I'll get you my pretty. And your little dog too." She makes me say it in my mean voice over and over again.

Penelope: Caught herself with one hand when she fell through monkey bars a few weeks ago. She is so much more coordinated than the rest of us.

Carolyn: Insists on listening to her "grown up" CD every times she goes to sleep. She knows the words to the first song, "She's Got a Way" by Billie Joel.

More pool fun. This time, with pictures!

We love the pool. Love it. Love it. Love...

Anyhow, we go several times a week. I venture to say we've gone about 75 percent of the days it's been open. We have a membership, so we usually only go for about an hour, which is totally perfect.

So here are some pics and a video I took today, just so everyone is jealous by our super fun summer. Enjoy, suckers...

I am no longer a hypocrite

The Mazda has been sold.

This means that my pretend one-car family is now actually a one-car family. While we've taken advantage of this second car less than a dozen times in the last year, it still feels scary to not have that option.

Plus, I loved the Mazda, the first car I ever bought new. Farewell sweet Protege. Fly thee to the moon. Or to Eureka, Ill., where you live now.

Oh Carolyn

Carolyn and I haven't had the best mommy-daughter thing lately. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, has been an argument. Wonder where she gets that???
So I almost doubled over on the floor today when she gave me this...
Cooking Macaroni and Cheese for dinner, so it's kind of hot in the kitchen, where everybody insists on occupying space.
Carolyn opens the refrigerator.
"What are you doing in there?" I ask, ready to pounce.
"Coolin' off."

Trust me. It's the funniest thing that's happened at our house in days.

When festivals attack

It's always a little disappointing when a trip to the downtown festival is substantially less fun than, say, a trip to the post office. Or the doctor. Or crazy Auntie Lucy's trailer home with her 15 smelly cats and homemade peanut brittle.
Yes, it's another edition of "We are awesome parents."
The family and I decided to check out the Sugar Creek Art Festival in downtown (recently renamed, for whatever reason, uptown) Normal. It has a lot of nice stuff. Art stuff, but also music and festival food and at least one guy who photoshops the heads of dogs on people. But here's the first problem: It's roughly 115 degrees in central Illinois in July and our kids are Pig Pen-esque.
So when I took the bike, parked it too far away from where we set up shop, went back to get it and finally reconnected with the family, I knew deep down that we had erred in judgement.
In the meantime, Steve was bombarded on all sides with families choosing to stand directly between him and the band, which was about half a football field away, a grandpa feeding his group to a round of ice cream cones and little kids delving into their endless candy supply.
And to top it all off, Penelope lost her balloon right before we left and cried all the way home. All two-miles, 115-degrees of it.
Sometimes I think, "Man. Look at all these families having an great time at this thing. What is our problem?" I believe our failure to see an SUV with mega-air as a viable solution is a beginning to understanding the slightly sticky, extremely sweaty approach to child rearing we have come to love.
That and we just can't say no to festival food. Bad festival food. Bad.

So you're not getting enough pics, huh?

I know sometimes it feels like you just don't see Carolyn and Penelope enough. More pictures, the grandmas clamor, because there are other moms out there posting like 50 photographs a day and they know it can be done, if only I cared enough.

Oh you sneaky Catholic moms with your quiet guilt. I hear you.

Loud and clear in fact. In the last seven months, we have gone from zero to three cameras. First, I bought a really cheap one to keep me in the game. Next, Aunt Sandy donated her camera to us. And finally, last weekend, Aunt Judy gave us her 5.1 megapixel Sony, the same camera we finally put to rest (um, stopped working due to excessive abuse) less than a year ago.

So here's what you want, family. More pictures. And speaking of guilt, Steve and I really could use some alone time so our marriage doesn't come crumbling down around us. Hint, hint.

First, here's Carolyn and her cousin Jeremiah. The girls ADORE Jeremiah.

Next, Penelope. Girlfriend has a runny nose, greasy-sunscreen hair and still looks fab.

Finally, all the kids right before Jeremiah went home.