A Little Mermaid Lesson

"Ariel has breasts."

Carolyn makes this astute observation yesterday while watching the new Little Mermaid, straight to DVD, movie for about the billionth time. At the moment, Carolyn is very into how the body works. Breasts, bones, blood. It's all fascinating.

Uh-huh. "Is she a grown-up?"

Sure. Why not.

She thinks about this for a minute. "Then why does she still live with her father?"

I hate it when she catches me trying to blow her off. Well, I explain, she's a teenager, which means she's still a kid, but much older.

"So teenagers have breasts..." You could almost see the wheels churning.

Night and day

I always kind of figured most of the stuff about kids was nurture. If you treated them a certain way, you'd get certain results.

After having two children, I have converted my thinking a bit. Some of the stuff is just hard wired. I really believe some traits are just built in, like whether a kid is shy or not. Not that I have shy kids, but I'm just saying.

One of these little quirks is sleep. With Carolyn, a very sound sleeper, I always thought parents who couldn't get a kid to sleep through the night were just doing it wrong. Even Penny, who woke up once a night for a year, really didn't give me many problems. Sorry sleepy parents. I was wrong.

But now we have a morning/night issue. Carolyn wakes up pre 6 every morning. Every, single morning. That's kind of fine, since I'm usually up as well, but she wakes Penny up. Penny does not wish to be up at 6 and really lets us know. She wants to go to bed at 9 (Carolyn is fast asleep by 7:03) and sleep until 8.

So I've been sending Carolyn downstairs in the morning for the last few days. I let her watch cartoons (I know... I'm a horrible parent... shut up) while I go running or go back to bed. Penny wakes up at her leisure and everybody seems a lot happier.

And happier, even with morning cartoons, trumps fist fights and screaming.

Random stuff

There's not too much new to report. It got cold, again, so I'm trying to mentally adjust to the coming winter. I just ran a 5K in 34 degree weather, and set a PR of 27:55, so I guess I'll do OK in the cold. It's just the constant dressing and undressing of little-kid winter gear that I really, really hate.

Penny is finally (and I cannot emphasize that word enough) potty trained. So no more diapers, unless somebody leaves a baby on our doorstep, which is highly unlikely. They would see how disheveled our kids look and leave him/her two doors down.

Carolyn loves the word awesome. As in, Awwww-some. Let's go to the park... Awwww-some. Do you want some candy? Awwww-some. Maybe we should head over to California where she can be both awesome and gnarly, even if those things are opposites and she'll never be blond.

Halloween came and went. I'm sad to report all the chocolate candy is already gone. Here's some pictures. Awwww-some.

When did I become such a mother

Carolyn spilled some juice on the floor a few mornings ago. I was out running and Steve yelled at her a bit because she was goofing around and not paying attention. I know. How dare she?

Anyway, she was really upset by this and started crying. Then she requested, "Don't tell mommy."

Ouch. Am I really that bad. Steve said he almost didn't tell me because he knew I'd feel bad. But he also thought it was really funny.

Yeah. Ha-flippin'-ha.

I do have a bit of a temper. It's usually reserved for those who know me best, because God forbid a stranger know what a jackass I am. But the other day, I even yelled at a stranger. An election volunteer.

This is so uncharacteristic it's hard for me to explain Steve's glee at my sudden outburst (which, by the way, was completely justified because she was demeaning me and I hadn't even asked for her help), which I guess sent the lady into a series of "Um... well... Um... Wa-wa-wa-what" responses. I have no idea what happened, because all I saw was a white-hot flash of anger and then Steve smiling at me.

I don't lose it very often. Long lines at the grocery store, a rude postal worker or waiting too long for the check at dinner very rarely even register. But I don't know what to say — there are some behaviors I just won't tolerate.

This includes the girls demanding food/my attention/a certain toy right this second. Or Carolyn sticking her fingers in other people's food. Or Penny hitting her sister in the back of the head.

Maybe I'm becoming a real jerk. Who knows. But I do know I'm semi-grateful that Carolyn wants to hide things from me. I think a healthy dose of fear is good for children.

And election workers.

Not until it affects me

Thankfully, this whole roller-coaster economy has passed just out of range of our family's radar. We can afford our house. We don't have any car payments. It's unlikely Steve will lose his job.

So gas might be up. We'll just drive less, which is kind of funny since we put roughly 5,000 miles a year on our gold hooptie. Steve's company stops matching 401K investments. Yikes. That totally blows, but it's not going to end Christmas or anything.

We've learned to live on less the last few years, so our changes are not big ones.

But today all that changed.

When I took the girls to Meijer, I went to the bakery to get our free cookie just like I always do. At the counter, I was told corporate has stopped the free cookie program for the time being.

How can this be? I hadn't planned for such devastation, such inhumanity. What would I tell my heartbroken girls about the world around us, a world that no longer provides cookies to quiet restless children? What bribes would be offered today? Would free cookies ever be part of the shopping experience again?

But it's during these hard times we get to see our strength of character. It turns out, my girls are kind of whiny and I'm completely spineless.

Thanks economy.

The games we play

You know it's a pretty lousy day when having your identity stolen is one of the least annoying things that happens.

That's only kind of true. It was super annoying, it's just that I'm getting a little tired of being trapped inside with sick kids. But I see the light at the end of the stomach flu tunnel (that is just not good imagery).

Yesterday, as Carolyn took her three-hour nap, Penny and I flipped through the mega-catalog from Victoria Secret. Penny and I like to play the "what's the prettiest outfit on this page" game.

About 80 percent of the time, Penny like the scankiest ensemble. No lie. The shorter the skirt, the lower the neckline, the higher the heel — those are fine choices by Penny. Black leather and lace. Penny says, "It's sooooo cute."

Um. Yeah. Just what I was thinking. I might need to cancel Victoria Secret and start requesting catalogs from LL Bean, or one of those old lady stores with lots of stretch pans and holiday decals on sweatshirts.

Needing more face(book) time

I finally joined Facebook. But because I'm a complete dimwit, I inadvertently invited everybody in my e-mail address book, which I've had for more than 10 years. Isn't that crazy! It also includes random people from stories I wrote, maybe six years ago, and other kind of random people.

In my defense, I pushed send and immediately pushed stop. But I guess it wasn't immediate enough for that tricky little Facebook.

Truth is, I've gotten very good at keeping up with people who live far away. I blog, e-mail regularly, call and now apparently Facebook. But I just re-met this mom-of-a-mom-friend a few days ago, and she gave me her e-mail. Instead of arranging a play date, I just sent her the info she needed about our friend-in-common.

I think I'm avoiding new friends. I'm already so busy, and I don't want to sacrifice my running, or my Catholic confirmation classes, or our busy schedule to "get to know ya." Plus, she's pregnant, so no ladies nights out. I really am a horrible person.

Penny and I have finally rebounded from the icky sicky of recent days. I was actually pretty much fine except for one day, but poor Penny suffered for three days and had to see the doctor. She got really good at throwing up into a bowl. She's still pretty tired, but can eat some stuff now, which is awesome.

So back to our normally scheduled schedule.

Speaking of which, I have always meant to mention this, but Carolyn has an uncanny sense of time. She leaves her bedroom at 6:55 a.m. every single morning. Without fail. It's bizarre. And she's just a bundle of energy.

But once that girl is ready for bed at 7 p.m., and her head hits the pillow, that is that. I've always encouraged a schedule, but she's like time girl.

Playtime

Last night, Carolyn asked me why our dog Fife didn't like to play with toys. Buster, my mom's dog, loves toys. Loves, loves, loves them.

Well, I said, it's like people. Older people don't really play with toys. And Fife is pretty old.

And, of course, Little Miss Inquisitive asks Why.

I pondered this for a minute. And then I thought up something very profound. Well, profound for me.

"Because they forgot how."

Carolyn has an answer for everything, and she got me on this one too. "But Grandma still knows how to play with toys."

Vacation blog postgame show

Penny might have been hurling before the big trip, but it was definitely my turn after. As my friend Dana wrote to me yesterday, airplanes are essentially "germ tubes." Mopping up Penny's poop from the bathroom floor of the Air and Space Museum probably didn't help matters either.

My illness (knocking on wood) seems to have been short lived. I was overcome by fever and chills about 3 o'clock yesterday at the playground and woke up this morning feeling kind of fine. Steve, the best husband ever, was able to come home early and get the kids to bed. He found me and the kids in our bed, at 4:30, watching Peter Pan II when he got home.

But thank goodness everybody was relatively OK during the trip. That would have been disaster. And the weekend is coming up. Just in time for Steve to fight that nasty little bug living in our house.

See... This is why I hate winter.

What was your favorite part?

They got it from Dora. The girls are always asking, "What was your favorite part?" just like Dora does at the end of every awful episode. Then she waits 5 seconds, every single time, and says, "I liked that too."

So when it came to our vacation, there was a lot of pondering, "What was your favorite part?"

Steve liked the trip to Washington, where we saw the Air and Space Museum and the White House, along with some sites along the way, even if we did spend more time in the museum food court than we'd care to admit.



I liked the wedding, especially watching the girls get a ride in a firetruck with the Princess (aka, Courtney the bride). Carolyn liked that part too. I also liked eating sushi.



Penny liked playing with her new friends at the park. Those girls belong to one of our favorite people, Joe, and his wife Kristin. Here's a picture of the girls chasing Joe.



And catching him.


It was all really fun, even when we were tired and grumpy. There were a few roadblocks, like the diarrhea incident at Cosi, or how Carolyn cried for an hour after we woke her from her nap, or how some guy ran three feet behind me for about three miles in a very isolated portion of trail along the Potomac River. But we pushed on. We crammed a lot into not a lot of time, and in the end, the girls were ready to come home.

I liked that part too.


So, it's back to normal, back in Normal. Now we only have to make one more trip this year — to go get Fife at the farm where he's on his own vacation with my mom and her dog, Buster. I don't think I'll think about that today.

Vacation blog pregame show

The family and I just returned from our first "real" vacation, in that we did not visit family members of any kind.

On the eve of our airplane trip to Washington D.C., Penelope was throwing up all over the place. As the vomiting subsided and we got all packed, we all got really excited to visit our friends, a few historic sites and some terrific restaurants, in that order.

And it was super fun. Let's just run down the list of transportation modes we used: an airplane; a bus; a Metro train; an SUV rental from an upgraded compact rental that was a little irritating until we found Interstate 66 shut down because of a crash and then we were happy for the extra room; a firetruck (yes, seriously); a minivan; and then our car home.

I'll post more later, with pics of course, when I feel more like doing stuff.

Why? Let me tell ya

It's 6:08 a.m. and I'm sitting at the computer, vigilantly watching the weather radar waiting for the rain to subside so I can go running. I'd go in the rain, but radar promises clearer skies shortly.

In the past, I've been addicted to all sorts of really nasty things. Well, not "nasty" nasty, but let's just say I'm not the kind of gal that really abides by the rules of moderation.

So now I run. I've been running since April, when running was a bit of a misnomer, but I love it and I plan to run as long as my legs allow. That's because, like much of my life, there is no halfway mark for me. I don't just casually run a mile or two. I have a schedule and I like to keep it. I read Runner's World. I'm looking into carb gels for long runs.

This definitely has it's benefits. I just ran my own personal 15K last weekend, I'm planning on running a half marathon sometime next year and, this part is totally true, I'm smokin' hot. Well.... my jeans fit really good.

Speaking of Why (notice how I have not mentioned Why at all, but I need a transistion), I have my own Why Girl, Carolyn. She's been asking Why for more than a year now, and has not let up even the tiniest bit, much like this rain.

I don't mind most of the Whys, especially if I have an answer. "Why do we need to drive cars?" for instance gives me ample opportunity to tell Carolyn they are a convenient luxury item that propagated the largest national delirium of all time and that while we might "like" to drive cars, we certainly often don't "need" to drive them.

But sometimes she asks me things like, "Do I like cereal? Why?" I have no answer for this and tell her as much.

But yesterday, I got a good response to my own Why. "Why do you ask me Why so much?" I ask.

Carolyn says, "Because I want to know everything."

Well then, carry on...

Could somebody please explain this to me

Penelope is a freakin' genius.

She's smart enough to know that the shoe store we've never (not exaggerating) been to is two doors down from the pet store we visited five months ago that had bunny.

She's smart enough to pick out her own outfits and completely dress herself.

She's smart enough to find Fife's leash the rest of the family search-party couldn't locate in 15 minutes of looking.

She's smart enough to know where we're hiding the diapers, to move a chair to her room to reach the hidden diaper drawer, get a diaper, put it on and do her business after we told her "no" to a diaper.

This barely covers her smarty-pants antics. So why is it that she's not smart enough to know that using the toilet is infinitely better than pooping in a diaper? WHY?

Easy Street, thy name is sister

I don't blog much anymore, because it's happened.

I've entered the Golden Age of Parenting, a phrase that I believe should be trademarked immediately because of its most wonderfulness. And it happened exactly 134 days early.

In 134 days, Carolyn will be 5. I always thought 3 and 5 sounded like such lovely ages. No more 2s, which means less diapers, sippy cups and full-blown tantrums. They're both still super cute and obedient. And at 3 and 5, they're old enough to finally play together.

And it happened. At least for this week.

When kids are playing nicely in the playroom (i.e. "Hey Penny, lets play camp out." Penny responds, "Sure! That's great.") and I'm upstairs checking out the latest on the Comics Curmudgeon, I find that parenting is pretty darn easy.

So this week, I baked cookies. I made a pie. I washed the floors and the fingerprinty front door. I watched half a movie in the middle of the afternoon. I (finally) got the bathrooms clean. I made chili. I took the dog for a walk and I nursed at least one hangover after Steve and I (finally) got a babysitter and went out for dinner.

I should go. The girls are fighting.

Four going on 14

The girls and I were at the mall the other day. Carolyn had this little exchange with the salewoman at the Gap. Who knew a 4-year-old could be snarky?

Saleswoman: So. What do you like to do?
Carolyn: I don't know.
S: Well, do you like to play softball? Do you like television?
C: I don't know.
S: How about the playground. Do you like reading books?
C: I don't know.
Penny: I like school.
Saleswoman: High five for that.
Carolyn rushing to set things straight: She's too little to go to school.
Saleswoman: And you're old enough right. What school do you go to?
Carolyn: I go to preschool.

Earlier, I told Carolyn I didn't have enough money for the Merry-Go-Round at the mall.

Carolyn: Just go to the bank. They'll give you money. It's easy.

Here they are in front of the Merry-Go-Round, climbing on the giant free bear that I'm pretty sure 84 kids have sneezed on.

Carolyn's first BFF

Carolyn preschool class had a field trip yesterday to the zoo. Penny and I got to tag along, which was fun because Penny was lining up with the class and fitting right in. She was even answering the teacher's questions during circle time. It was super cute.

But the best part was meeting Carolyn's newest best friend. Most of her friends up until now have been kids of moms I like. Or they live nearby. Or she's in swimming class with them.

Jenna is her first "just Carolyn" friend. It was so sweet, watching them walk through the zoo holding hands. I mean, come on... How freakin' adorable is that.

The only problem is, I think I want Jenna to be Carolyn's BFF more than she does. Carolyn also likes Indyiah (pronounced India), the preschool equivalent of Catholic high school's naughty girl (and, trust me, I know that girl). She's actually pretty nice, and her great grandma lives next door to us, so Carolyn's known her for a while.

But sometimes it's hard to forget this girl is 4. She kind of looks like a really tiny tween with her earrings and swishing pony tail and short skirts. Frankly, I prefer Jenna.

This is clearly why Carolyn will decide to declare Indyiah her BFF. I should just keep my mouth shut.

And then, there was one

I'm not sure why, but it seems I'm only allowed to have one good child.

For the longest time, that child was Carolyn. She was sweet, helpful and always eager to please. At this moment, she's trying to shove a stapler into a glass of water. She's taken to calling Steve, "Steve." This has sent her to her room twice today. She likes to spill water all over the counter under the guise that she's "helping."

Penny, on the other hand, is my new favorite. She just so much fun and so very sweet. She can play by herself for extended periods of time and is always so thankful. Just a few short weeks ago, she screamed if you suggested chocolate ice cream after she demanded strawberry.

At least I should be grateful that I've got one. I see a day, I'm thinking girls at ages 13 and 15, when I've only got prime time television and a gallon of red wine to take the edge off the screaming and fighting and hurling of dinner plates.

Fall days

It doesn't feel quite like fall, with the hot summer sun and all, but we're busy like fall. We're adjusting to all the activities and Carolyn seems to be fine, if not a little exhausted at night. But as far as exhaustion goes, it's a good time to get it.

Here's Carolyn at her new dance class. I'm not sure about Carolyn and dance, although she talks about it a lot. What was really amazing was Penny. She saw the class and her already big eyes widened with awe. It was like she was thinking, "This is something that exists. Why was I not told about this before."

Here's Carolyn (the only non-blond) a few minutes into class. She was super amazed how everybody looks the same.



And while Penny isn't enrolled in anything organized, she's busy with her own lessons. We have discovered she's a puzzle protegy. Here she is, finishing a 64-piece Strawberry Shortcake puzzle for about the 10th time that day. It's really quite amazing.

Carolyn's calendar

Despite my best efforts not to enroll my kid in every activity available, I've enrolled her in every activity available. At least every one available within two blocks of our house.

And surprisingly, there's quite a lot available two blocks from our house.

Let's see... We have preschool four afternoons a week.
Swimming two mornings a week.
I just signed her up for dance, which is one evening a week.

And library story time one morning a week. This activity is a whole mile from our house, but it's free.

That's two activities every day, Monday through Thursday.

Today we went to Target to get Carolyn's leotard and ballet shoes when I told her about the dance lessons. That's great she said, but added this:

"Can I have music lessons?"

Sorry kid. That's all the way across town. I guess she'll have to wait until kindergarten for that skill set.

Back to Normal

Well, things have been crazy around here but we're returning to routine..... Now!

We had visitors, took a long weekend and really ended summer with a bang, but it feels really good to get back to real life. Carolyn's in school four days a week, and has swimming two days, so we're pretty busy Monday through Thursday. She seems to enjoy school and I really like her teachers.

Her first field trip is later this month. To the zoo. And Penny and I might go. Hooray for fall.

I'm sure there are plenty of great stories to be told, but I'm much too tired to remember any of them. I keep waiting for this haze of exhaustion to leave, as it always does after much activity, but I think I'll give it a few more days.

Until then, here's the girls at the playground today in some fancy new school duds. Penny doesn't go to school, but she still needs to look sharp.